il always be here waiting for you to be ready

hope you hear this..theres really nothing i can say..you already know everything..il be waiting for you..no matter how long it takes.i dont care if u think im idealistic.we can make it real someday if we both believe in it.and you know that..

welcome to the real world

a lot has happened this past few days that made me really sad.well,ive found out that im gonna have to support myself even after my service.means i have to work to survive.and in order to have a decent work you have to be educated.so what do i do first?ive only studied till high school that they wont accept here because they have different standards.that also made it harder for me to get into schools.as for the working part,i dont know where to work.ive no connections.means i have to start from scratch.start from zero.im a flat out nothing.

my mom also told me that none of us would be going to the philippines on december.i was really hoping to go there but now,im not sure if i can.i have to keep my eyes on my budget for this coming few months coz im gonna have to look after myself.i cant overspend and i need to save for my studies.and i think the only one person whom i really care about was hurt this morning when i told her that i cant make it on december.and now shes very busy again with her stuff.i really wanted to talk to someone.but too bad,busy.im losing hope.im losing the will to move.i feel that my efforts are going nowhere.i feel alone.i feel like nobodys helping me.

luckily another friend was there.i needed to talk to someone badly.but i still feel bad about ms.too busy.then i see youve been uploading pictures.the other day i asked for pictures and you told me u dont have new ones.maybe im not that important to you anymore.maybe you dont see "us" going anywhere.that maybe you dont feel anything for me anymore.that youre just saying these words for the sake of saying it.maybe i dont know what you really feel but this is what i feel now.most of the time i feel that youre forgetting about me.because for me,no matter how tired i am or no matter how busy i am,i never forgot about you.

forgive me for saying all these.youll probably feel bad because you had to read about my feelings here.you might ask,why didnt i just tell you?well maybe you dont have the time to talk to me anymore.youre always studying, or sleeping, or doing some project,or going to parties,or going to your friends house,it just hurts me.well, yes,you do sms but i dont feel thats enough.thats why i call.but eve if i call, theres nothing much to talk about.

im really sorry to say these things,i just want to feel you again.alam ko sasabihin mo,"anong gusto mong gawin ko?".i dont know.you figure that out.maybe what you said was right.people change.coz you have.love really does hurt.coz it hurts so much right now.but i still believe every word that you say.because i trust you.and thats all i can do.to believe and to trust.

nobody can make me feel
the way you made me feel.
from the beginning,
until now,
and forever.
you will always be
special to me.

byebye

i am suffering.thats why im going to do this..i want you to find out if youre still feeling the same way you did last time.ask yourself this,"do i still love him?".i will know the answer by your actions.but for now,i want to rest my everyting and stay away..

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im not haveng a very good morning...no food when i woke up,i decided not to eat but then my brother came home and wanted to eat so i got scolded by my sister for not cooking rice....sheeesh..i feel like not getting up from my bed,just stay here until i rot and die..or whatever..and i have this thing from last night..oh i dont know why i feel this way..who would wanna feel this way?nobody can be sure who he can really trust in this world..espencially when the person said that "nakakapanghinayang".you know who you are.it may not mean anything to you but to me it means a lot.i know magulo ang sinasabi ko.but thats what i am and how i feel right now.i really want this to work out cant you see my effort?coz honestly im losing yours.i used to see it and it made me feel good but now,i just cant..you should start considering how im feeling..i tried to understand why youre so busy with your stuff..believe me i did try..i didnt mind when you were staying home and sleeping late without saying anything or going home late and youve been to your friends house and i dont know nuthin bout it..sure i dont mind..now overnight?i really dont trust people.especially the ones i dont know.i wanna break down right now,but theres something thats still keeping me together.i may not know what but there is something..hope?no matter how much im hurt i still see hope?fuck that.i dont know what to believe in anymore.im goin back to what my friend calls,night safari..bye..

god i love this song

youre right

well youre right.i couldnt help it..but i only did it once tonight.

last night before i slept i had a very very tiring activity.twas cool,but when i woke up this morning i couldnt stand up.man i was really weakened by that.LOL.so i stayed in bed resting almost the whole day.it was afternoon when i finally got the energy to stand up and bathe.called danny and went out with him and ali.i should really go out with them more because i found lots of good places to shop.another good thing is that theyre there to give some advice coz i dont really have a good fashion sense..haha.theres lots of pictures of us but i gotta take it from danny.i dont think hes goin online tonight coz hes out with his BOYFRIEND.BITCH!send me those photos!

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oh yeah and i saw this belt buckle.its shiny and its spelled BITCH.really suits danny.lol.twas a really really great experience with those two.hope we could go out again(but not anytime soon coz ive no more money)BITCHES!

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well this overnight thing with my someone is really bothering me.although she says thats its completely business,im still against it.you know me,you know how i react bout this kinds of things.I DONT TRUST ANYBODY!especially guys that are close with my someone.im not sure if im gonna be able so sleep peacefully tonight coz of that thing.Brrrrr...

THIS PROVES THAT I DONT CONTROL ANYTHING.
WELL,SINCE WHEN DID I?

rage

i have a lot of emotions inside of me now that im trying to control.

you know sometimes when you feel that its like a one way relatonship?although im not in a relationship i still have feelings.i felt like im the only one determined to patch things up.i couldnt feel you these past few days.not even a single bit.i kept trying to make myself understand that you have to do this because your in school, and you told me last time that its not possible to know in full detail what we have been doing.so i kept all these inside of me and im releasing it here.

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i blame you for what i feel.oh yes i do,i do.emotions like this can hurt people and i am now very much hurt.i dont really mind you doin all this stuff if you dont forget about me.i mean,cmon,i also have lots of thins to do but i take time to sms you or call you or whatever.but you,once youre doing something you forget everything.dont tell me that you dont have those few minutes to spare because you do have it if you want to have it.its your choice.do you remember that time that i got addicted to warcraft?how did that make you feel?maybe im feeling the same way now.but thats just a maybe.

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like i said,it was your choice.and its like my sister said,God gives you the opportunity,you decide if youd take it or if youd even notice it.

23 pa naman ngaun

Cake =S

My heart is beating fast
My hand are cold and shaking
My stomach is swirling so bad
And I have a headache.

***********************

I watched Saw II and Saw III. And this is the effect. Although there are valuable lessons,it was not delivered in a good way. Well maybe sometimes only violence can make you realize this things.

***********************

How far are you willing to go for your loved ones? Will you even be able to move? How do you know who to trust? Dont put to waste what you have now. Spend your time wisely.

Ough and I hate the scene with needles. All my hairs stood up. Sheesh!

***********************

Mommy brought me a cake! Yipeee! I'm hungry but no mood to eat. But i gotta coz its from my mom and she'd feel sad if I don't eat it.
My dinner's a cake..
God I'm getting fat.
Need to start working out..=D
But not now..LOL

***********************

Still no time but it's ok I don't mind. Maybe next time.

tell me

Ive been imagining things since i was young until now.it could be in a dream and even when I am awake.Am I crazy or what?HAHA!Oh please tell me if I am..

***********************

Since me and my someone parted,Ive been wishing that i had wings so that i could fly to her to be with her every night.Then before the sun rises i'd be back here again.or maybe i could move fast enough that i could walk on water and run to her in just minutes.

***********************

Then I read Veronica decides To Die.there was this girl who said that her soul could go out of her body and visit places.Guess what?HAHA!i started dreaming that i could do that too.I even thought that my sould could posses another object just for her to feel my presence.Sooo, what do u think?

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Recently, I had a dream.I was walking with my brother near my school in the Philippines.Then two people showed up and tried to rob us.I didnt give what I had so they took out blades.not knives,blades.The one u use for pen knives.I still didnt give in so they slashed me.Unfortunately, thats all I can remember about the action part.Then i went to a hospital and showed them my wounds.The bone in my elbow was almost showing.HAHA!BUT!!!I couldnt feel anyhtin from my wounds.WIERD HUH?!LOL!

***********************

So, on my way home,while I was on the bus,my freakin MP3 turned off.BATTERY FLAT!!!ARGH!And I left my handphone's headset in camp so i had nothing to entertain my but the hair of the person in front of me and the tv that was showing YO-YOERS DOLL COLLECTORS and people who likes to DRESS-UP as ANIME!I think theyre as crazy as me but in a different way.HAHA!So I started thinking again.This time I was in school.Then suddenly terrorists came to hold the school hostage.So when they tried to touch my someone,i warned them that Id kill them if they did.Then i asked the guy to call his Boss.When the boss came he recognized me as the syndicate legend,the man who killed lots of people,the one who only the baddest criminals know.So i asked him to take all of his men and get out o the school.I was the hero.HAHAHA!!

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I have lots more of crazy dreams that you probably dont wanna hear,that normal people dont dream of,or do they??Is this an obsession or just normal peoples dreams?Or maybe loving too much?You tell me.Only my someone is supposed to know about this blog.So you tell me.

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My someone had been very busy lately,sleeping late because of projects and presentaions and tests.I understand that you have to commit your time to these things and its totally alright.But I wish that you wouldnt forget about me.And I hope you overcome them as soon as possible so you can have time for me again.You have all my support.I think you should take it easy.Dont stress yourself too much.I'm just here if you need to talk to someone.I would love to be your sparkle during times like this.Only if i could be with you right now.Id do my best to relieve you from all the stress you have.

ven eiu oil oy

IM NOT GAY MAN!

Hey its my first blog entry so forgive me. I'm still learning how to use this.

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last friday was my COS duty. i watched jackass:numbertwo in the morning because there really was nothing to do. is was soooooo funny man! they were doin all this stupid shit and it really made ma laugh. but some of the stunts were just so disgusting that it wasnt funny anymore. but other than that, those assholes were really funny. HAHA! when i was in the middle of the movie, the phone rang. its bummer the BOS had to call us to do area cleaning.we had to walk around the whole battalion picking up all sorts of stupid rubbish. haiz, i was swaeting when we finished and it was already 11 am. wheew. i was soooo hungry by that time because my breakfast wasnt that heavy. in the afternoon, i watched JARHEAD! its about this soldier who lost his girlfriend when he joined the army. i felt very emotional because i feel that the same thing happened to me not very long ago. well, yeah, it did happen to me. but now i think its all right. im happy to be single. its a good feeling to take a break from it all although i still have the same feelings i had for the girl last time. hope she keeps her promises. oh, and i have this stupid thing in my neck that hurts so much specially when i eat.asss!!

***********************

i got home on the morning of saturday. well it wasnt very early. it was almost 1100 when i reached home and i was so hungry because i didnt go for breakfast that morning. luckily they were eating when i reached home so i ate with them. then the thing on my neck started to sting me again. arggggh! i went to see the doctor shortly after my brunch. i had to wait for quite some time coz there were lots of people. my doctor was a bit gay!!wtf!! i was really shocked when i saw him. an indian guy that was gay! he said that he thinks that i have a throat infection. then he asked me to take off my shirt. i mean,WTF MAN!! but i had no choice so i lifted my shirt and he listened to my breathing. then he asked me to turn around and he lifted my shirt!!!PHYSICAL CONTACT!!WAAAAAAAAA!!well, lucky it ended fast. then i went to take my medicine and went home. slacked for the rest of the day.