welcome to the real world

a lot has happened this past few days that made me really sad.well,ive found out that im gonna have to support myself even after my service.means i have to work to survive.and in order to have a decent work you have to be educated.so what do i do first?ive only studied till high school that they wont accept here because they have different standards.that also made it harder for me to get into schools.as for the working part,i dont know where to work.ive no connections.means i have to start from scratch.start from zero.im a flat out nothing.

my mom also told me that none of us would be going to the philippines on december.i was really hoping to go there but now,im not sure if i can.i have to keep my eyes on my budget for this coming few months coz im gonna have to look after myself.i cant overspend and i need to save for my studies.and i think the only one person whom i really care about was hurt this morning when i told her that i cant make it on december.and now shes very busy again with her stuff.i really wanted to talk to someone.but too bad,busy.im losing hope.im losing the will to move.i feel that my efforts are going nowhere.i feel alone.i feel like nobodys helping me.

luckily another friend was there.i needed to talk to someone badly.but i still feel bad about ms.too busy.then i see youve been uploading pictures.the other day i asked for pictures and you told me u dont have new ones.maybe im not that important to you anymore.maybe you dont see "us" going anywhere.that maybe you dont feel anything for me anymore.that youre just saying these words for the sake of saying it.maybe i dont know what you really feel but this is what i feel now.most of the time i feel that youre forgetting about me.because for me,no matter how tired i am or no matter how busy i am,i never forgot about you.

forgive me for saying all these.youll probably feel bad because you had to read about my feelings here.you might ask,why didnt i just tell you?well maybe you dont have the time to talk to me anymore.youre always studying, or sleeping, or doing some project,or going to parties,or going to your friends house,it just hurts me.well, yes,you do sms but i dont feel thats enough.thats why i call.but eve if i call, theres nothing much to talk about.

im really sorry to say these things,i just want to feel you again.alam ko sasabihin mo,"anong gusto mong gawin ko?".i dont know.you figure that out.maybe what you said was right.people change.coz you have.love really does hurt.coz it hurts so much right now.but i still believe every word that you say.because i trust you.and thats all i can do.to believe and to trust.

nobody can make me feel
the way you made me feel.
from the beginning,
until now,
and forever.
you will always be
special to me.